Calmed, Reassured and Steadied

“He knows how to calm me… to reassure me… without Peter, I’m lost”

These words have been on my mind for the past few weeks… They are the words of Princess Margaret from The Crown on Netflix (although I can’t recommend the second season).

I watched this series months ago. Yet there is a scene that keeps coming to mind. It’s where Queen Elizabeth tells her sister, Princess Margaret, that she can’t marry the family bodyguard (Peter). Elizabeth after a long and arduous struggle realizes the crown could be harmed by her approval of this marriage. Queen Elizabeth inevitably has to tell Margaret that she would be disowned if she choses to marry Peter.

So, in a difficult heart to heart talk with her sister, Margaret says of Peter, “He keeps me calm. He reassured me. I’m lost without him.”

Have you ever felt that way? You feel lost in the midst of the mundane. Or you feel on edge because every time you turn around you hear of more bad news, more heartbreak, more illness, more pain. Sometimes, life is just chaotic. Sometimes you don’t have time to get away to think. You don’t have time to clear your head. Sometimes you just need someone to be steady for you. You need someone safe to tether yourself to.

For me, this is a beautiful picture of Christ. The crown has the final say. Everyone in the royal family must sacrifice to maintain the integrity of the crown. All eyes are on them. Peter’s assignment is to keep the family safe, to protect them at all cost. Instead of being deeply in love with just one of the royal family, Jesus is desperately in love with each of His children.

In the series, Peter sacrifices everything. Jesus sacrificed everything. And whenever Margaret feels like the pressure of being in the spotlight is too much, or being held to a different standard feels as though it might break her, or having to keep things close to their chest might just make her crack. Peter is there. He is always available to her. She still has to persevere in the every day things, but when she gets overwhelmed or feel like she can’t hold it together anymore Peter reassuring her to stay steady. He reminds her of her calling. He shares in the sacrifice and keeping as much chaos and worry, as possible, away from her.

The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.

Psalm 18:2 NLT

So, when this life feels too overwhelming; when you just can’t take one more doctors visit, or phone call with bad news; when you’re growing weary of the mundane; when you’re desperately searching for what the next season might hold; or you’re tired of waiting, remember… Jesus is the one who calms us. Jesus is the one who reassured us. Jesus is the one who never loses us.

His arm is not too short to grab hold of us to keep us steady. His thoughts are always towards us. He sings over us. And He prays for us. He most certainly knows how to protect us.

He sits…

It was a quiet day and He came like He did every day.

He never knocked. He knew the door was open, but these days is was only cracked… So, He cautiously peered in before opening the door all the way.

She was too out of touch to see Him. But every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday Saturday and Sunday He was there.

Had anyone else walked in, they may have commented on the unassuming man sitting on the opposite end of the sofa where she sat.

But no words were exchanged. Utter silence filled the room.

She sat with her eyes glazed over. Unable to communicate her unspeakable pain. If tears came, they were a gift… for a least it was a little escape of the pain she felt inside.

Weeks passed and still He showed up. Rarely acknowledging His presence she often wondered why He was even there. Didn’t He know she couldn’t give Him anything. She didn’t have anything left.

Weeks turning into months and months turned into a year. Until finally she made herself look up. She saw flowers. And immediately she quizzically look at the man.

He nodded as if to say, “yes, I’ve brought flowers every week.”

A tear slipped out of her eye and rolled gently down her cheek.

She’d known this man longer than most of the people in her life and at several points throughout her life, He had been the center and more important than any other person in her life…

But in the turmoil and heartaches in the recent years, she’d become despondent. She had so many questions. Like why didn’t He fix the problem she asked Him to? Why didn’t He show up like she asked? Why didn’t He answer her like He had in the past? Why didn’t He hold her like He had in the past? And why on earth didn’t He protect her from all the heartache?

These questions spun mercilessly in her head like a merry-go-round. But every week, He showed up and He sat.

He sat in the room with her questions. He sat in the room with her hurt. He sat in the room with her grief. He sat in the room with her despondency. He sat in the room with her depression. He sat in the room with her anger….

Just like He sat in the room with her purpose. Just like He sat in the room with her calling. Just like He sat in the room with her laughter. Just like He sat in the room with her love. Just like He sat in the room in her good times…

He sits during the ups and the downs. He may not answer all the questions, but He’s not leaving… And until she’s ready to speak… Patiently and lovingly He sits…

And they shall call Him Immanuel…which translated means,God with us.”

Matthew 1:23

Read “He is Here” poem from What does the Christian walk look like when…

I know what I’m doing

The fears you have are because you’re human.

The courage I give is because I’m God.

You and me, we are a team.

You offer surrender, I bring the dreams.

I move the mountains. I part the streams.

You sit back— watch, you’ll see!

With your meager talents, I’ll multiply.

I’ll add depth and wisdom that outstretch the sky.

But beware, there are many who won’t understand.

They will joke, laugh, and throw you on a witness stand.

Look at Noah, David, Joseph and my son, Jesus.

Scoffers laughed at the boat, while in the caves, at the dreams, and at the cross.

Until…

The rains came…

The crown came…

The leadership came…

The tomb was rolled away…

Scoffers ran or stood silenced.

This faith walk will test every fiber of your being.

You will either stand for Me or fall for everything.

My plans are not easy or conventional.

But they’re absolutely providential.

I created water from a rock.

Provided fish to fishermen who just were weary for the dock.

I raised the dead.

I raised a lame man from his bed.

But each person has to come to Me empty— putting their plans aside.

Knowing that their wills with Mine they’ll have to align.

Sometimes things ended in heartbreak and death.

But each of My disciples knows that I take and give each breath.

When you sign up to do things My way… Things won’t always make sense.

But one thing you can always be sure of is My presence.

I go before, stand beside and guard behind.

It often feels like you are going blind.

But suddenly after time you’ll look behind…

And you’ll see a beautiful life that I have intricately designed.

I don’t ask you to do anything I haven’t already done.

I set the example and in the end I have already won.

So don’t grow weary scoffers external and internal.

The path you’re on begins here but is eternal.

I created you, I know you, and I know how to make beautiful things.

THE BARNABAS AWARD

A big thank you to Hepsibah Garden and Raising Zion for nominating me for The Barnabas Award, which is a first. Thank you so very much.

I just recently started following this blog and have been really encouraged by the blogs they share, so thank you for encouraging me. 

THE BARNABAS AWARD is presented in recognition of the encouragement and inspiration a blogger brings to their readers.

How This Award Works:

Thank the person who nominated you, and share their blog. Think of five bloggers that encourage and inspire you and nominate them. Answer the five questions you were asked. Lastly, I ask my nominees five questions. Why five? Because it is the number that signifies grace.

My five questions:

1. What inspired you to start blogging, and what is the central focus of your blog?

I realized writing was a way for me to process. The main focus of my blog is fighting fear.

2. When you are in need of encouragement, what encourages you the most?

Sometimes I’ll look up encouragement messages, Bible verses, or stories online … other times, I’ll write someone a note or check up on someone I care about.

3. What is the best way you feel that you can be an encouragement to others?

Through my words or actions.

4. In what ways do you feel that your blog can offer words of hope, encouragement and inspiration to others?

I’m just a fallen human being trying to live well. I hope that in sharing my vulnerabilities and weaknesses it’ll in turn help someone else who is struggling as well.

5. In what ways can we, your fellow bloggers, encourage you?

Comment or share how something helped you. As a writer it’s a struggle to not second guess yourself. But honestly, I’m just encouraged by so many people who follow so faithfully. It blows me away.

My Nominees are:

1. Kristen Hogrefe

2. Words by Andy Lee

3. In The Image of My Creator

4. Rethink Now

5. Flourish

My five questions:

1. How long have you been writing and why did you start?

2. What’s the hardest thing about being a blogger?

3. What do you wish others knew about you and/or your writing?

4. If you could be known as having one characteristic what would it be?

5. What’s your biggest fear?

To my nominees: Please do not feel obligated to participate. I nominated you because of the encouragement that you have been to me and I wanted to acknowledge that. Blessings!

Time and Seasons

The past week has been full of ups and and downs. I can’t seem to find a way to be even keeled when opportunities present themselves. I get so excited and then when things don’t pan out I crash. I always tell myself, “Christi, don’t get too excited because this might not happen.” But all I can think of is what could happen if this opportunity does happen.

I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of person. I don’t want to waste time. Wasting time is a big pet peeve of mine. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve worked with several male managers and men get right to the point; or, if it’s because I’m very aware that life is short. It drives me crazy if a meeting or a conversation is going around in circles. Or if there’s only small talk taking place. Or if I feel like I’m not able to add anything to where I am. It makes me want to leave because I know I could be useful elsewhere.

So, to be completely honest, I get frustrated with God during the waiting seasons. I often think, God, what are you doing? Why am I still here? Why don’t you have more for me to do? I feel like I’m doing nothing, but You keep allowing doors to close…

But this week I was reminded of a few important lessons:

1) God cares more about renewing my mind than revenue. (Although He always provides in such creative and amazing ways)

2) Restoring my soul than my status.

3) Building my character than my career.

God doesn’t waste time. He uses time to mold us into who He wants us to be. And, He can do more in a second than we could do in a lifetime.

God knew I was going to feel like I was sucker punched when another door closed, but He already planned a reminder to help me through the tough news. He reminded me again that He’s in charge and He has a plan.

We plan, but God establishes our steps… But He establishes our steps in His timeframe.

God beats to the rhythm of His own drum; yet, I find myself wanting Him to beat to the rhythm of my drum.

But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?'” Romans 9:20

“Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.”

Psalm 115:3

God has the plans, I just need to follow the steps. And sometimes the second step doesn’t appear until I take the first one. He is in control. Time is not an issue for Him. In fact, nothing is an issue for Him. He knows exactly what is ahead and what you and I will need. Sometimes I wish He gave me a little more information on where we are headed, but we wouldn’t build the faith He needs us to have.

Today, my Mom brought this to my attention:

So, as the saying goes: until He opened the door, I’ll praise Him (with this song) in the hallway.

What’s Stopping You?

Today’s post is brought to you by my dear sister-friend, Kristi. When I first met Kristi, this is how the conversations went:

“Hi, I’m Kristi. What’s your name?”

“I’m Christi”.

“No way! What do you do for work?”

“I’m a personal assistant”.

“Get out, me too!”

We quickly found other similarities like we were pastors kids, we moved to Virginia to be with our older brothers, and the list goes on. I am deeply grateful for Kristi’s friendship because we have been in such similar tracks when it comes to our lives. We challenge each other, pray for each other encourage one another and knowing her has challenged me to live better and be more like Christ. She has been a friend that has been in the trenches with me. She is truly a gift to know and have as a friend. So, without further ado, here is a word from my friend Kristi ❤️!

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What’s stopping you?

This question is easier said than done. For starters, I can think of about 10 reasons why I can’t for every one reason why I should. A rolodex of reasons start running through my brain of things that are in the way, mountains that won’t move, or people who are more capable.  It’s like our minds are programmed to hold us back when all our hearts want to do is run forward. Maybe they are limitations or maybe they are excuses, but either way, they are what’s holding you and I back from our real potential, our dream out of the box dreams, our reach for the stars over the fence, world series kind of stuff.  I might have just pulled that last part out of an old favorite movie, can you guess? Yep, you got it! The classic 1995 movie with Kirstie Alley “It Takes Two”.  It’s time for us to take back our dream big dreams, think bold, live brave, and allow the word fearless to be our new mantra! Let’s put aside that thing that has been holding us back for so long, that thing that has kept us stagnant, always playing it safe, and has kept us from really dreaming. Actually, let’s do it one further because putting it aside just doesn’t cut it. Something in us has to die before something new is reborn.  Are you ready?

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

 

It’s time to put a name to it and then put it to rest once and for all…let’s all say it out loud together, “fear”.  It’s the very thing that has kept us in chains, that has paralyzed and crippled our potential, and that has instilled some type of stronghold in our very being that simply makes us powerless. See, saying it out loud wasn’t too bad! Okay, now can we all take a deep breath…and another one. And instead of given that “thing” a name and a new home, we need to boot it right of our lives.  As Christians, we can claim the victory we already have over fear because it was overcome at the cross.  We can start speaking truth over our lives and situations, and redefining our lives in the light of Christ.  The good news is, we don’t have to keep walking around like the living dead, the walking wounded, the ones bound by fear.  As a daughter and sons in the one true living God, the old me is dead and gone. Back to the “What’s stopping you” question I started off with. We must obliterate fear continually from our lives, not giving in to its calling and regaining our power over our circumstances and future! Now that we’ve identified and have been able to name fear, we now know that it’s the same thing that has been making us feel like we are less than, lacking, not enough, the feeling of it’s too hard, I can’t, and on and on and on.  I wonder what narrative you’ve been telling yourself all this time. You know, the one that provides you the safety net to stay right where you are and the same one that prevents you from living in the space outside of the box.  Fear can sometimes be disguised and often does a pretty good job at fooling us too.  Totally not fair, I know!  Fear can look like a number of things, but it’s when it’s hidden and cloaked that you must be on guard of the most. This might look like complacency or what God refers to as lukewarm.  Fear can manifest itself in many different ways throughout our lives with a common goal of steering us away from our potential, living life to the fullest, and ultimately, away from being kingdom changers.

1 Peter 5:8 says it perfectly, “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of giving up all my big dreams and someday adventures to the fear that speaks its power over me, and quite frankly, I’m over the reality that I haven’t been living life to the fullest because of it.  It’s taken me nearly 30 years to get to this place in my life, but I’m finally ready to kiss fear goodbye and say hello to living BRAVE!

My dream, big dreams, didn’t come until I was 27 years old. I thought I was late in the game and was just as skeptical as the rest.  “How am I supposed to jump into a new career at this age, and to make things worse, I’ve never done this before!” I was highly unqualified, unseen by the whole industry, and fear was plaguing me from thinking past all of my doubts.  I was jumping into a wild ride of pursuing a career as an angler, or as I like to say, a fisher chick!  

This new passion caught me like a deer in headlights but was a whirlwind and a dream all wrapped up together.  Chasing a dream to be a fisherwomen was not something I had on my agenda by a long shot, but it was the first time in my life I felt truly empowered, honing a new confidence out on the water, and finding real joy in literally, reeling in fish!  My husband and I together on this journey started a YouTube channel called 1Fish2Fish, a platform we used to bring anglers, community, and family together!  Deciding early on, we wanted to be like the Chip and Joanna Gains of fishing, passionately pursing our dreams and giving God all the glory!  We aren’t just fishing for fish, we are fishing for men, and this has been our focus since day one.

One thing I’ve learned on this wild journey is that it’s never too late to be fearless, and you’re always on time. There’s no time clock for this life so before I begin, let’s do us all a favor and get rid of that “clock” we all have ticking in our minds, of when we are supposed to be doing what it is we think we should be doing. When to marry, when to have babies, when to get a new job, when to move, when to go and when to stay.  

Ecclesiastes 3:11 eloquently puts it, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

When we start feeling the pressure that time demands, it’s a lie and it’s not how God thinks about us.  There is no perfect timing, just God’s time…and he sets it when he wants it to be set.  The reality and unknown of that might feel a bit daunting, but if you really let it soak in, it should actually bring us a huge relief!  God has this thing under control, his timing is perfect, and He is the one to set things in motion.  So as diligent and hard as we try to make things happen, to wield it our way, to set our plans, His ways trump all that. Every. Single. Time.

So now we can hold tight to the confidence that God has our back, and not only that, but He is literally directing our every step. Scripture says:

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you” Deuteronomy 31:8

He masterfully is crafting your past, your now, and your future, just as you read this.  Nothing surprises Him, nothing is too big for Him, and nothing, and I mean nothing is beyond Him.  He controls the universe in the palm of His very hand.  He has the hairs on your head counted, one by one.  The scriptures tell us, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care” Matthew 10:29-30.  Think about it, if He cares for the sparrows this way, how much more does he care for us!  With God on our side, we can do anything.  No more fear, no more holding back, it’s time to dream, and I mean really dream. If we want to walk on water, we have to get out of the boat! I think it’s about time we took back our dignity and claim what has always been ours.  It’s time to lose the chains of fear and say hello to freedom!

Whatever drives you, those things that bring you pure joy, that path less traveled you want to adventure down, the dream you always called just a dream, it’s calling your name.  It’s time to own our stories, to feel the fear and do it anyway.  Or better yet, let’s trade our fear in for faith and allow God to work out the unimaginable in our lives.  There’s a story behind every women who perseveres under trial.  For those who wield their fear over to God, a new courage will be forged by the fire, and for those who then rise, will find beauty in strength.  

 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

So let’s grab a friend and hang on tight, we are about to discover the impossible! It’s when we let go, and let God, that freedom and courage can give us wings to soar.  So what’s stopping you? It doesn’t have to be fear!

 

Sites:

YouTube: 1Fish2Fish

Website: Catch Fish Reports

What Grief Has Taught Me…

What Grief has taught me is that you’re never ready for its arrival.

Grief is more than a human heart can bear.

You never get over it, but somehow you move forward.

The only way forward is through it.

Grief is intimate. For me, sharing certain aspects of it seems wrong because it is now connected to the deepest part of who I am.

Grief strips away any part of you that cares what others think…

And although grief has ripped me apart like nothing else has in life, it has also been my teacher.

It has taught me to hold a breaking heart full of sorrow and a heart full of joy simultaneously.

It has taught me to laugh through tears.

It has introduced me to the deepest kind of friendships. It the kind of friendship that meets you at a bedside, or catches you as you run away, or finds you curled up in a hospital hallway.

It has taught my to hold on for dear life the examples of those who’ve experienced grief before me. And hold on for dear life for the ones recently acquainted with grief behind me.

It has taught me to live presently in the moment because there is only enough grace for today.

It has taught me to slow down, to take a moment to appreciate people and nature.

It has taught me to give as much as I have today because tomorrow is not promised.

It has taught me to speak kind words to everyone I meet because they might be hidding their own grief as well.

So although I met grief kicking and screaming, cussing and flailing… It has been one of my most hated companions and one of my greatest teachers.

I never wanted it to come, but I refuse to see it wasted.

How to Finish: A Reminder for Myself

For the past five years or so, I’ve set yearly goals for myself. My goals vary each year. Some goals I hit and other goals get rolled over into the next year.

This year, I decided not to set any new goals because I was falling behind in finishing the ones I already set for myself. I wanted this year to be a year of finishing.

I was told by someone who had a big influence on my life, good and bad, “You never finish anything you start”.

To be honest, it struck a chord with me. I want to be a person that not only starts but finishes. And not just finishes but finishes strong. It is easy to start projects but finishing them takes grit and sheer determination. When you’re half way into your goal and growing weary, it’s easy to think, “Is this really that important?” Or “Why am I doing this again?” That’s when you have to dig deep.

As many of you know, I recently earned my black belt. But, when I was two months away from my test, I struggled to persevere. I was tired. I didn’t feel like I was ever going to become a black belt. The material felt like it only stayed in my short term memory. So, every time I trained I felt like I was starting at square one. It was frustrating and discouraging.

I felt like I hit a wall. I decided to take a moment away from training in order to pin point why I was struggling so much. I wrote down why I wanted my black belt, and why I started in the first place. One of the reasons was to prove to myself that I could finish and finish strong.

Sure enough, when test day came around, I felt ready. Why? because, I pushed through the days I didn’t want to train. I pushed through the excuses. And I pushed through training while fighting off a cold that kept coming back. I realized during those months that the mental battle was harder to overcome than the physical.

I once heard a marathon runner say that in order for him to finish a race, he had to look for outside motivation. Which makes sense why marathoners often raise money for charity. Or, they dedicate their race to a loved one.

As I thought about this I had two verses comes to mind:

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2

And

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6

So, here are some points I needed to be reminded of when I’m growing weary and feel like I’m not going to finish my race:

1) I can do all things through Christ.

2) I am only required to run my race — not anyone else’s.

3) I am surrounded and cheered on by a great crowd of witnesses.

4) Jesus is a finisher and teaches His kids to finish through His example.

5) What Jesus has started in me, He will finish it.

So, if you’ve ever been told, “You can’t finish anything”,or maybe you’ve said that to yourself, I want to remind you, in your own strength you will fail and fall short. But we have a Father in heaven who doesn’t let His kids quit. He exemplifies what it means to finish and finish well.

What He started He will finish!

Happy Father’s Day, Dad 💕

I woke up at 3:45am and drove south without looking back. The only breaks I took were for gas, bathroom and food. I arrived at home 15 hours later— exhausted but so grateful to be held by people who loved me.

The transition home was not an easy one. I spent a lot of time lost in my own head. Setting up my things and having no idea what was ahead or when and how to take the next step.

One afternoon, I found myself at my Dad’s computer. He always shared it when he wasn’t working on a sermon, or a talk or a new book.

I spaced out and analyzed every book on his bookshelf and every trinket in front of those books. He had his MacArthur Study Bible and commentaries closest. Then he had little nicknacks from all over the globe (given to him by people who lived all over the world). He had artwork from one of his 3rd grade students and love notes from us kids and grandkids. And proudly displayed on his shelf was the “Best Dad” trophy we got him for Father’s Day one year. Although he was a remarkable man, that was the only trophy he ever received.

I sat there and thought, “What a great man.” I told myself that I needed to write a blog on him, but I got sidetracked. Time passed. And then, suddenly, the same office and bookshelf I had admired just a few months prior was being disassembled. And as we disassembled it, it proved to me again that my Dad was a great man.

I wished I had written this blog when he was alive, but I know he knew exactly what I thought of him and how much I loved him. So Dad, this is for you.

My Dad. He wasn’t a flashy guy. He was the most steady, driven and disciplined man I have ever met. He loved my mom and us kids well. He always made time for us. If I ever needed him, he’d finish what he was doing and give me his undivided attention. He loved his sports, his popcorn, and his peanut m&ms. He was the smartest and the wisest man I’ve ever known.

And there was a side of my Dad that a lot of people didn’t see and I think my Dad was misjudged a lot because he was ridiculously confident. The side that speaks volumes to me and will for the rest of my life is how no matter what, my Dad never would retaliate. There was a season in my Dad’s life when he had some people against him. It tore him apart on the inside, but he persevered. I’ve never seen such a pain in my dad’s eyes. But, my Dad never spoke ill of them. Instead he just showed up day after day, week after week even though he was misunderstood and hurt by the things being said.

There was also a side that not many people saw. It was the “Doctor Dad” side. He may have lectured us on how we should have avoided getting hurt, but while he was lecturing, he’d be bandaging us up. And there was the side of my Dad who invested in us once a week during our “one on one time.” And there was the side that showed up for all the games we had that he could attend. You could never say that my Dad wasn’t present. And it’s his lack of presence that I miss every single day. But I hope that in my choice to show up every day, I honor his legacy.

You may not be able to pick my Dad out of a crowd, but you could never pick his place out of my heart. He was the greatest man I’ve ever known. He was a man of great character and integrity. Happy Fathers Day. I love you so much and I miss you terribly! And don’t worry you’re not missing anything with the Dolphins— they still stink.

Fighting the Fear of Living Out A Missionary’s Life

I am excited to introduce you all to my friend Sara! I met her sometime during the year we were at Bible College. It was a small school so eventually you met everyone. I was never very close with Sara, but as the year went on I saw how much she changed and grew. She became determined to live a life worthy of the gospel — no matter what the cost. I have always had a deep admiration for her.

She is the type of person who once she sets her mind to do something, she will do it with her whole heart. It truly is a gift to know her. Sara currently lives in Montevideo, Uruguay with her husband and three beautiful children. I know you will enjoy what she has to share today!

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My first year out of high school, a year after becoming a Christian, I was sitting in a mission’s conference. I learned about missionaries all over the world. When I heard that there were people groups who still didn’t have God’s word in their language, I knew God was telling me to go. It wasn’t a hard decision. Just like it wasn’t a hard decision to leave the states 5 years later with my new-ish family and head to Montevideo, Uruguay to help form a new church in the capital city. The packing and support raising and leaving were difficult, but the call was clear. And we were excited and nervous, not fearful.

The first few months in Uruguay were fun and adventurous. We were like honeymooners in our new life, learning so much and experiencing so many new things. But as we settled in and started the hard work of language learning, and actually living (not vacationing) in a culture not our own. I was surprised by the fears that arose within me. We weren’t being persecuted or even living in a dangerous country. But, before I knew it, my zeal and love for communicating the gospel, turned into fears about my ability and adequacy. My linguistic, and cultural weaknesses became a stumbling block for my faith.

Should I speak about Him if I can’t communicate His message clearly in my host language? What if I share the gospel and they don’t understand me (literally)? Does my life really reflect His love under all the stress our family is experiencing in a new country and culture? What if I mess up and offend them? What if I share a truth poorly and they misunderstand who God is and what He has done?

While many of these wonderings were legitimate concerns for wanting to respect and love the people around us. They also revealed an even greater fear that had been lying dormant in my heart for a long time. Could God really use me and all my weakness on the mission field?

The truth is, these fears have never left me. We are four years in and these same doubts are sometimes my daily battlegrounds. The fear of not being enough is not just a fear for the mission field. I know the same fear in my life as a homeschooling mother, as a friend, as a wife. It is a fear that touches the core of who I am and what I was created to do. It is the question of identity and it pervades every area of Christian life.

Thankfully God answers this question thoroughly in His word and through the very message of the Gospel. In a society where we are constantly being told that we are enough. Or, that we need to just believe we are enough, the truth of it all is that we aren’t enough. We see our own insufficiency and it bothers us. I do not speak Spanish well enough. I am not patient enough with my kids. Our family does not have it together enough. I don’t know enough theology to answer every doubt or opposition to the gospel. And, I do not have enough wisdom to be a perfect mother or missionary. I am not enough. And trying to convince myself that I am is looking only toward the flesh and not toward the Savior. The answer will and should always be no. But I don’t stop there. The gospel continues with transforming hope.

When we enter into a relationship with Christ, we receive a new identity, old things are washed away and we are made new. Our not enough on our own becomes perfectly enough in Christ. At the Cross, Jesus took our shortcomings, sins, and fears and conquered them. But He was raised and us with Him. His resurrection clothed us in His righteousness and made us new vessels to be used by Him. In Him our weakness becomes strength and all our shortcomings become purposeful. And we have the surety of His Spirit who offers wisdom and sweet companionship along the journey. And so as Christians we learn to look to Him. Is HE enough to conquer death and sin? Is He enough to take a sinner and make her new? Is He enough to work through weakness and pain and difficulty and suffering? Is He enough to use my poor language skills to shine the light in the darkness? Is He enough to use my mite to bring life to a dead heart? The answer is always, and unconditionally, a resounding yes because all things are yes in Christ.

When fears arise within us we are never asked to suck it up and pretend we have it all together. Nor fake a smile to make it look like all is well. Instead, our fears tell us that we are lacking intimacy with our Father. To embrace and abide in the message of the gospel is to have true intimacy with our Father, and in true intimacy we find safety. John 15:1-11 is a powerful reminder to us in fear. It confronts our: ‘I can do nothing,’ with the glorious hope of the gospel:

“You are already clean because of the Word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, and you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from me he can do nothing. Just as the Father has loved me, I have loved you. Abide in my love…these things I have spoken to You, that My joy may be complete.”

He abides in us! We are made clean! We are loved! And we will bear fruit! We have so much in Him. But how do we abide? We believe the gospel and walk in it. We reject lies, and we embrace the truth. We walk with Him, talk with Him, and enjoy Him. We spend time in prayer and fasting. We study His word and meditate on and memorize it. And when we do we will find that we bear much fruit, even in our weakness and inadequacy. Our hearts will fill with joy, He will be glorified in us and will use us to minister to others.

As we abide we can say with David:

“I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed…Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!” Psalm 34

So, taste and see! Abide, friend. Take refuge in Him. Seek Him. Fear Him. And watch Him take away your fears and turn your lack into overflowing fruit for His name and kingdom.