I know what I’m doing

The fears you have are because you’re human.

The courage I give is because I’m God.

You and me, we are a team.

You offer surrender, I bring the dreams.

I move the mountains. I part the streams.

You sit back— watch, you’ll see!

With your meager talents, I’ll multiply.

I’ll add depth and wisdom that outstretch the sky.

But beware, there are many who won’t understand.

They will joke, laugh, and throw you on a witness stand.

Look at Noah, David, Joseph and my son, Jesus.

Scoffers laughed at the boat, while in the caves, at the dreams, and at the cross.

Until…

The rains came…

The crown came…

The leadership came…

The tomb was rolled away…

Scoffers ran or stood silenced.

This faith walk will test every fiber of your being.

You will either stand for Me or fall for everything.

My plans are not easy or conventional.

But they’re absolutely providential.

I created water from a rock.

Provided fish to fishermen who just were weary for the dock.

I raised the dead.

I raised a lame man from his bed.

But each person has to come to Me empty— putting their plans aside.

Knowing that their wills with Mine they’ll have to align.

Sometimes things ended in heartbreak and death.

But each of My disciples knows that I take and give each breath.

When you sign up to do things My way… Things won’t always make sense.

But one thing you can always be sure of is My presence.

I go before, stand beside and guard behind.

It often feels like you are going blind.

But suddenly after time you’ll look behind…

And you’ll see a beautiful life that I have intricately designed.

I don’t ask you to do anything I haven’t already done.

I set the example and in the end I have already won.

So don’t grow weary scoffers external and internal.

The path you’re on begins here but is eternal.

I created you, I know you, and I know how to make beautiful things.

Time and Seasons

The past week has been full of ups and and downs. I can’t seem to find a way to be even keeled when opportunities present themselves. I get so excited and then when things don’t pan out I crash. I always tell myself, “Christi, don’t get too excited because this might not happen.” But all I can think of is what could happen if this opportunity does happen.

I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of person. I don’t want to waste time. Wasting time is a big pet peeve of mine. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve worked with several male managers and men get right to the point; or, if it’s because I’m very aware that life is short. It drives me crazy if a meeting or a conversation is going around in circles. Or if there’s only small talk taking place. Or if I feel like I’m not able to add anything to where I am. It makes me want to leave because I know I could be useful elsewhere.

So, to be completely honest, I get frustrated with God during the waiting seasons. I often think, God, what are you doing? Why am I still here? Why don’t you have more for me to do? I feel like I’m doing nothing, but You keep allowing doors to close…

But this week I was reminded of a few important lessons:

1) God cares more about renewing my mind than revenue. (Although He always provides in such creative and amazing ways)

2) Restoring my soul than my status.

3) Building my character than my career.

God doesn’t waste time. He uses time to mold us into who He wants us to be. And, He can do more in a second than we could do in a lifetime.

God knew I was going to feel like I was sucker punched when another door closed, but He already planned a reminder to help me through the tough news. He reminded me again that He’s in charge and He has a plan.

We plan, but God establishes our steps… But He establishes our steps in His timeframe.

God beats to the rhythm of His own drum; yet, I find myself wanting Him to beat to the rhythm of my drum.

But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?'” Romans 9:20

“Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.”

Psalm 115:3

God has the plans, I just need to follow the steps. And sometimes the second step doesn’t appear until I take the first one. He is in control. Time is not an issue for Him. In fact, nothing is an issue for Him. He knows exactly what is ahead and what you and I will need. Sometimes I wish He gave me a little more information on where we are headed, but we wouldn’t build the faith He needs us to have.

Today, my Mom brought this to my attention:

So, as the saying goes: until He opened the door, I’ll praise Him (with this song) in the hallway.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad 💕

I woke up at 3:45am and drove south without looking back. The only breaks I took were for gas, bathroom and food. I arrived at home 15 hours later— exhausted but so grateful to be held by people who loved me.

The transition home was not an easy one. I spent a lot of time lost in my own head. Setting up my things and having no idea what was ahead or when and how to take the next step.

One afternoon, I found myself at my Dad’s computer. He always shared it when he wasn’t working on a sermon, or a talk or a new book.

I spaced out and analyzed every book on his bookshelf and every trinket in front of those books. He had his MacArthur Study Bible and commentaries closest. Then he had little nicknacks from all over the globe (given to him by people who lived all over the world). He had artwork from one of his 3rd grade students and love notes from us kids and grandkids. And proudly displayed on his shelf was the “Best Dad” trophy we got him for Father’s Day one year. Although he was a remarkable man, that was the only trophy he ever received.

I sat there and thought, “What a great man.” I told myself that I needed to write a blog on him, but I got sidetracked. Time passed. And then, suddenly, the same office and bookshelf I had admired just a few months prior was being disassembled. And as we disassembled it, it proved to me again that my Dad was a great man.

I wished I had written this blog when he was alive, but I know he knew exactly what I thought of him and how much I loved him. So Dad, this is for you.

My Dad. He wasn’t a flashy guy. He was the most steady, driven and disciplined man I have ever met. He loved my mom and us kids well. He always made time for us. If I ever needed him, he’d finish what he was doing and give me his undivided attention. He loved his sports, his popcorn, and his peanut m&ms. He was the smartest and the wisest man I’ve ever known.

And there was a side of my Dad that a lot of people didn’t see and I think my Dad was misjudged a lot because he was ridiculously confident. The side that speaks volumes to me and will for the rest of my life is how no matter what, my Dad never would retaliate. There was a season in my Dad’s life when he had some people against him. It tore him apart on the inside, but he persevered. I’ve never seen such a pain in my dad’s eyes. But, my Dad never spoke ill of them. Instead he just showed up day after day, week after week even though he was misunderstood and hurt by the things being said.

There was also a side that not many people saw. It was the “Doctor Dad” side. He may have lectured us on how we should have avoided getting hurt, but while he was lecturing, he’d be bandaging us up. And there was the side of my Dad who invested in us once a week during our “one on one time.” And there was the side that showed up for all the games we had that he could attend. You could never say that my Dad wasn’t present. And it’s his lack of presence that I miss every single day. But I hope that in my choice to show up every day, I honor his legacy.

You may not be able to pick my Dad out of a crowd, but you could never pick his place out of my heart. He was the greatest man I’ve ever known. He was a man of great character and integrity. Happy Fathers Day. I love you so much and I miss you terribly! And don’t worry you’re not missing anything with the Dolphins— they still stink.