I know what I’m doing

The fears you have are because you’re human.

The courage I give is because I’m God.

You and me, we are a team.

You offer surrender, I bring the dreams.

I move the mountains. I part the streams.

You sit back— watch, you’ll see!

With your meager talents, I’ll multiply.

I’ll add depth and wisdom that outstretch the sky.

But beware, there are many who won’t understand.

They will joke, laugh, and throw you on a witness stand.

Look at Noah, David, Joseph and my son, Jesus.

Scoffers laughed at the boat, while in the caves, at the dreams, and at the cross.

Until…

The rains came…

The crown came…

The leadership came…

The tomb was rolled away…

Scoffers ran or stood silenced.

This faith walk will test every fiber of your being.

You will either stand for Me or fall for everything.

My plans are not easy or conventional.

But they’re absolutely providential.

I created water from a rock.

Provided fish to fishermen who just were weary for the dock.

I raised the dead.

I raised a lame man from his bed.

But each person has to come to Me empty— putting their plans aside.

Knowing that their wills with Mine they’ll have to align.

Sometimes things ended in heartbreak and death.

But each of My disciples knows that I take and give each breath.

When you sign up to do things My way… Things won’t always make sense.

But one thing you can always be sure of is My presence.

I go before, stand beside and guard behind.

It often feels like you are going blind.

But suddenly after time you’ll look behind…

And you’ll see a beautiful life that I have intricately designed.

I don’t ask you to do anything I haven’t already done.

I set the example and in the end I have already won.

So don’t grow weary scoffers external and internal.

The path you’re on begins here but is eternal.

I created you, I know you, and I know how to make beautiful things.

THE BARNABAS AWARD

A big thank you to Hepsibah Garden and Raising Zion for nominating me for The Barnabas Award, which is a first. Thank you so very much.

I just recently started following this blog and have been really encouraged by the blogs they share, so thank you for encouraging me. 

THE BARNABAS AWARD is presented in recognition of the encouragement and inspiration a blogger brings to their readers.

How This Award Works:

Thank the person who nominated you, and share their blog. Think of five bloggers that encourage and inspire you and nominate them. Answer the five questions you were asked. Lastly, I ask my nominees five questions. Why five? Because it is the number that signifies grace.

My five questions:

1. What inspired you to start blogging, and what is the central focus of your blog?

I realized writing was a way for me to process. The main focus of my blog is fighting fear.

2. When you are in need of encouragement, what encourages you the most?

Sometimes I’ll look up encouragement messages, Bible verses, or stories online … other times, I’ll write someone a note or check up on someone I care about.

3. What is the best way you feel that you can be an encouragement to others?

Through my words or actions.

4. In what ways do you feel that your blog can offer words of hope, encouragement and inspiration to others?

I’m just a fallen human being trying to live well. I hope that in sharing my vulnerabilities and weaknesses it’ll in turn help someone else who is struggling as well.

5. In what ways can we, your fellow bloggers, encourage you?

Comment or share how something helped you. As a writer it’s a struggle to not second guess yourself. But honestly, I’m just encouraged by so many people who follow so faithfully. It blows me away.

My Nominees are:

1. Kristen Hogrefe

2. Words by Andy Lee

3. In The Image of My Creator

4. Rethink Now

5. Flourish

My five questions:

1. How long have you been writing and why did you start?

2. What’s the hardest thing about being a blogger?

3. What do you wish others knew about you and/or your writing?

4. If you could be known as having one characteristic what would it be?

5. What’s your biggest fear?

To my nominees: Please do not feel obligated to participate. I nominated you because of the encouragement that you have been to me and I wanted to acknowledge that. Blessings!

Time and Seasons

The past week has been full of ups and and downs. I can’t seem to find a way to be even keeled when opportunities present themselves. I get so excited and then when things don’t pan out I crash. I always tell myself, “Christi, don’t get too excited because this might not happen.” But all I can think of is what could happen if this opportunity does happen.

I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of person. I don’t want to waste time. Wasting time is a big pet peeve of mine. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve worked with several male managers and men get right to the point; or, if it’s because I’m very aware that life is short. It drives me crazy if a meeting or a conversation is going around in circles. Or if there’s only small talk taking place. Or if I feel like I’m not able to add anything to where I am. It makes me want to leave because I know I could be useful elsewhere.

So, to be completely honest, I get frustrated with God during the waiting seasons. I often think, God, what are you doing? Why am I still here? Why don’t you have more for me to do? I feel like I’m doing nothing, but You keep allowing doors to close…

But this week I was reminded of a few important lessons:

1) God cares more about renewing my mind than revenue. (Although He always provides in such creative and amazing ways)

2) Restoring my soul than my status.

3) Building my character than my career.

God doesn’t waste time. He uses time to mold us into who He wants us to be. And, He can do more in a second than we could do in a lifetime.

God knew I was going to feel like I was sucker punched when another door closed, but He already planned a reminder to help me through the tough news. He reminded me again that He’s in charge and He has a plan.

We plan, but God establishes our steps… But He establishes our steps in His timeframe.

God beats to the rhythm of His own drum; yet, I find myself wanting Him to beat to the rhythm of my drum.

But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?'” Romans 9:20

“Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.”

Psalm 115:3

God has the plans, I just need to follow the steps. And sometimes the second step doesn’t appear until I take the first one. He is in control. Time is not an issue for Him. In fact, nothing is an issue for Him. He knows exactly what is ahead and what you and I will need. Sometimes I wish He gave me a little more information on where we are headed, but we wouldn’t build the faith He needs us to have.

Today, my Mom brought this to my attention:

So, as the saying goes: until He opened the door, I’ll praise Him (with this song) in the hallway.

Scarcely Living By Faith

For we walk by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7

I was doing a cool down walk after a quick run to get some of my frustration out. It was the type of frustration you feel when you know where you want to be, but you have no idea how to get there.

Frustration is a part of life. There are women who desperately want to be a moms, but their bodies are unable to have children for one reason or another. Or there is the frustration of wanting a different relationship status. Or, there is the frustration of a mom who desperately wants her kids to do well and the she’s not seeing any progress. Or the frustration of a man (or woman) who has massive dreams in his hearts but he don’t know what steps to take next or how he will end up there.

It can often feel like we are banging on doors that just won’t open. That’s how I feel. The two doors that I’ve been knocking on have not opened.

So, after my cool down, and after making a pit stop at the newly named nature preserve in my neighborhood, I looked up at the sky. It reminded me of how small and limited I am. And how my limited view is often what I project on God. Immediately a word of truth, from a message I had heard a few years ago, came to mind.

“God is not a God of scarcity.”

You see, recently, I was presented with two amazing (or so I thought) opportunities. After the initial introduction to both opportunities, I said to myself, “This is it! This is what I’ve been waiting for.” The knocking began immediately after. “Yes, Lord, please make these things happen”.

Trouble is, the doors have not opened. They have hardly cracked. I’ve been asking and asking and asking for them and praying and praying and praying for them. But, the only answer I have right now is wait. Each day that goes past without a yes or a no brings me closer to discouragement. I don’t know if these things will happen and I want them to so badly.

Walking (also translated living in Hebrew) by faith doesn’t mean open doors. Sometimes it means waiting and waiting, and waiting some more; without trying to manipulate whatever I want into being.

Trusting/Living by faith means knowing God knows what’s best even if it doesn’t make sense. It means trusting when I feel behind, or out of place. It means trusting Him to be steady enough for you when I feel unsteady and very uncertain. Trusting means waiting on Him to act and not take matters into my own hands. Trusting means knowing that God, regardless of what I want, is good enough and will always be good enough.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 84:11 which says:

“For the LORD God is a sun and a shield; the LORD gives grace and glory; He withholds no good thing from those who walk with integrity.”

If God says no to these two scenarios that I’m praying for, it doesn’t mean He’s withholding good from me. The times in the past when God told me no, I wasn’t any less crushed. But, eventually I saw those no’s were actually for my benefit and or for my protection. Many times, God’s no’s only make sense in hindsight. Other times His no’s will only make sense from heavenly viewpoint— one we can’t see this side of eternity.

Either way, I am called to live by faith and not by sight. This means things won’t always make sense to me, but this is what my God asks of me. He sacrificed so much more for me than a few opportunities that I think are perfect. So, I don’t think He’s asking too much of me to trust Him. He knows how to get me where I need to be. And make me into who I need to be.

So, as I stared up at that sky feeling very small, I thanked God that He had countless opportunities even though I could only see two.