Saying Yes, When All I Want To Say Is No.

I hate the word no. Maybe because I don’t understand why I’ve heard it so much, at least in the past year and a half.
Over and over again, I’ve prayed for different issues and the answer that keeps coming back is No.

  • No, that door is closed.
  • No, that door is not opening.
  • No, I’m not going to heal, I’m taking your Dad home.
  • No, you’re going to be single right now.
  • No. No. No.

With each no, especially and foremost my Dad, comes devastating hurt, and with devastating hurt comes despair…

“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.“- Paul (2 Cor. 1:8)

As I wrote despair that verse came to mind. That’s how I feel most days. If this is what life has to hold, I don’t know how much more I can take.

I want to say, “You know what God, right back at ya! I’m done. My heart hurts too much to say yes again… What if something else happens? What if you decide to take another family member?”

Today, although I didn’t feel like going, I went to church. I sang as tears streamed down my face. But it was in that sanctuary that I was reminded of another time when God the Father said no.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be NO more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away”. Revelation 21:4

After Jesus died on Friday and before he rose on Sunday, there was Saturday.

I like to think of life right now as Saturday. On Saturday I’m sure the disciples must have been confused. I mean they saw Jesus heal the lame, raise the dead, walk on water, and even put a man’s ear back together. But on Saturday, He was in the grave.

That Saturday had to be the worst day of their lives. They probably felt abandoned, alone, forsaken. They probably wrestled with anger at the other Jews, and possibly anger towards God. He promised to be on the throne after all and the disciples were supposed to judge the twelves tribes of Israel.

Matthew 19:28-29, ” Jesus said to them, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, in the renewal [that is, the Messianic restoration and regeneration of all things] when the Son of Man sits on His glorious throne, you [who have followed Me, becoming My disciples] will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.”

Saturday must have shook them.

But Sunday came… and He was back, but not without His wounds. He fought the greatest fight of all time, and said NO to eternal suffering for anyone who accepts His sacrifice.

It is only because of that one NO that I can say yes.

  • I can say, “yes” I’ll keep going to church, even though I don’t understand what’s going on.  
  • I can say, “yes” I’ll reading my Bible, even though I’m confused and hurt, and have a foggy head when I read it.  
  • I can say, “yes” to worshiping, even when I don’t feel like it. 
  • I can say, “yes” to praying, even when I don’t want to.  
  • I can say, “yes” to Jesus, even when I don’t feel like it or feel like I have the strength.  

He overcame death for me. So even if He decides to continue to say no, for His own purpose, I pray He will give me the strength to keep saying yes to Him. I know I don’t have the strength to say it left to my own strength.

… I pray that I will be like Martha in John 11:27, before before Jesus raised Lazarus, she said “Yes, Lord” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

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10 thoughts on “Saying Yes, When All I Want To Say Is No.

  1. You are in our prayers. Life is not always easy but remember JESUS will never leave you or forsake you. He carries us when we can’t walk any further. Keep looking up He is there for you

    Liked by 2 people

  2. One thing I like about your writing is it so balanced. You seem to be able to communicate about how bad this world can be then at the selfsame moment, turnaround and say even though these things are bad there is something very good about this world. And you are going to follow the goodness of this world no matter what.

    One thing I can say to you my friend is this: the hope that keeps turning you back to God is the only true hope this world has ever held. If I might add this, do not let your personal determination be the prominent issue that you are experiencing. Allow it always to be the God that you are walking with in the tough position of perseverance. Just something that helped me get through the loss of my dad. Probably not the same for you, but thought I would share.

    Continue to say yes to your hope in Christ Jesus he is our Messiah. He gave himself for you that you might know how intensely he loves you, rest in this truth!

    In Jesus’s expression of love to us, his own father said “no” to Jesus, Jesus replied my God my God why have you forsaken me? In the garden his disciples fell asleep. God in the deepest purest way knows the sound NO when it feels like it is going to crush you. Yes, he did it because he loves you, not for himself but Jesus first loved you.

    Your brother in Christ,
    Denny

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      1. My dad went home in 2007. In the expression of your grief you kind of popped a balloon that I had been patching for years not wanting to deal with about my dad. I deeply thank you for sharing your post. Yes I have cried, ran away, even tried to patch the balloon back up, over the last day.

        Now even though it hurts that dad is gone, there is a deeper peace within my soul about the whole event. Is not it a wonderful that God can use your pain and the loss of your dad to help another person deal with their loss of their dad. God and God alone can do such things through his children.

        Keep sharing my friend, nothing is insignificant in God’s world. Keep talking to God about the hurt of your loss. God never gets tired of listening to you. I will pray for you my friend. I fellowship with you in the loss of our dads, and especially in the Fellowship of the Resurrection of our Savior.

        If your dad was anything like my dad, he would not mind if you grieved, but would really love it if you embrace joy in the richness of life again. Which kind of translates into living the abundant life following the Lord and whatever he has for us. Good and perfect gifts come only from above from the hand of God.

        Sorry if I was overbearing in anything that I said my previous post I did not realize that I was going through grief again. Or this one for that matter!

        In grief,
        Denny

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No problem Denny! I truly appreciate your insight. It helps to hear from people further down the road from me. It’s a comfort to know that from someone’s else whose walked this road that the darkness will not last forever.

        Once again, thank you! Thank you also for your prayers.

        Sincerely,
        Christi

        Liked by 1 person

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