I hate the word no. Maybe because I don’t understand why I’ve heard it so much, at least in the past year and a half.
Over and over again, I’ve prayed for different issues and the answer that keeps coming back is No.
- No, that door is closed.
- No, that door is not opening.
- No, I’m not going to heal, I’m taking your Dad home.
- No, you’re going to be single right now.
- No. No. No.
With each no, especially and foremost my Dad, comes devastating hurt, and with devastating hurt comes despair…
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.“- Paul (2 Cor. 1:8)
As I wrote despair that verse came to mind. That’s how I feel most days. If this is what life has to hold, I don’t know how much more I can take.
I want to say, “You know what God, right back at ya! I’m done. My heart hurts too much to say yes again… What if something else happens? What if you decide to take another family member?”
Today, although I didn’t feel like going, I went to church. I sang as tears streamed down my face. But it was in that sanctuary that I was reminded of another time when God the Father said no.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be NO more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away”. Revelation 21:4
I like to think of life right now as Saturday. On Saturday I’m sure the disciples must have been confused. I mean they saw Jesus heal the lame, raise the dead, walk on water, and even put a man’s ear back together. But on Saturday, He was in the grave.
That Saturday had to be the worst day of their lives. They probably felt abandoned, alone, forsaken. They probably wrestled with anger at the other Jews, and possibly anger towards God. He promised to be on the throne after all and the disciples were supposed to judge the twelves tribes of Israel.
Matthew 19:28-29, ” Jesus said to them, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, in the renewal [that is, the Messianic restoration and regeneration of all things] when the Son of Man sits on His glorious throne, you [who have followed Me, becoming My disciples] will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.”
Saturday must have shook them.
But Sunday came… and He was back, but not without His wounds. He fought the greatest fight of all time, and said NO to eternal suffering for anyone who accepts His sacrifice.
It is only because of that one NO that I can say yes.
- I can say, “yes” I’ll keep going to church, even though I don’t understand what’s going on.
- I can say, “yes” I’ll reading my Bible, even though I’m confused and hurt, and have a foggy head when I read it.
- I can say, “yes” to worshiping, even when I don’t feel like it.
- I can say, “yes” to praying, even when I don’t want to.
- I can say, “yes” to Jesus, even when I don’t feel like it or feel like I have the strength.
He overcame death for me. So even if He decides to continue to say no, for His own purpose, I pray He will give me the strength to keep saying yes to Him. I know I don’t have the strength to say it left to my own strength.
… I pray that I will be like Martha in John 11:27, before before Jesus raised Lazarus, she said “Yes, Lord” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”