What do you do when you pray for a miracle and it doesn’t come?


The machines were beeping and the numbers were jumping. My Dad lay still in SICU.  
He was on his way home when a rain storm rolled in on his drive home. My Dad has driven a thousand times in the rain. He’s driven thousands of miles. He’s even driven this route a dozen or more times, but this time was different.

The car hydroplaned and he slammed into a tree. But it wasn’t the back of the car. It wasn’t the front of the car. It wasn’t the passenger side of the car. It was his side of the car, more specifically, exactly where he was sitting.

We got the call, waited for more information, jumped in the car and drove 7 hours to be with him. Praying the whole way.

Mom prayed. David prayed. Brian prayed. Rachel prayed. Linda prayed. I prayed. Stephanie prayed. Jessica prayed and hundreds of people prayed. We prayed for 7 days. We prayed for healing. I prayed my Dad would walk out of that hospital room. I KNEW God could. But I didn’t know if He would.

I’d seen God deliver a sweet baby from the gripping hand of death. I had seen people get set free. I had seen marriages restored. I know of people getting healed of cancer, but my Dad? He never got out of that bed.

I still can’t process it all. I still feel like I’m walking someone else’s road. I say I feel but I haven’t really, my emotions seem to be shut off.

I prayed. As I was packing my bag before we got in the car to see my Dad, I just kept saying, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” it was my breath.

I know that name. In that name I have been saved and in that name waters have been parted, people have been given their sight, people have been raised from the dead, but my Dad? He died.

If someone were to come up to me and say, “You didn’t have enough faith” I would probably punch them in the face.

I believed, but my miracle didn’t come.

I cried and my miracle didn’t come. I begged and my miracle didn’t come.

My Dad is gone. He’s with the Jesus I cried, prayed and begged to.

So what do I do now? 

I believe. I accept. And I praise.

I believe in my God who says, “My ways are not your ways”. Isaiah 55:8-9

I believe that my God “knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper me (and my family) and NOT to harm me” Jeremiah 29:11

I believe that my God “Has loved me (and my family) with an everlasting love” Jeremiah 31:3

I believe my God will “work ALL things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes” Romans 8:28

I believe that my God “Is good and does good and NO GOOD thing will He uphold from those who walk uprightly” Psalm 119:68 & Psalm 84:11

I accept that what has happened will be for my good and my families good and for the furtherance of the gospel. And I accept as Ann Voskamp says that this cross my family and I are carrying is God’s kindest decision.

I praise my God because He knows better than I. He who tasted the bitter taste of death on my behalf to give me eternal life is worthy of my life. I praise Him for choosing me and allowing me to be his servant.

So although this pill is such a hard one to swallow. This is not the road I want to be on. This is not where I want to be. The miracle I prayed so hard for and didn’t receive, I choose to leave it in my Heavenly Father’s hands. And, I choose to believe. I choose to accept and I choose to praise. I have no other option.

“I have decided to follow Jesus… no turning back… no turning back”

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30 thoughts on “What do you do when you pray for a miracle and it doesn’t come?

    1. That was so beautiful. You are a very talented writer. You’re going to be used in an amazing way. I do not need to tell you…just let Him use you.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you for sharing. My dad died when I was 24, and I too prayed for a miracle that never came. I can so relate to what you shared and to the choice you’ve made to keep believing and praising God for who He is. I spent last week praying with you for your dad. He was such a special man who greatly impacted my life in many ways through his leadership at InterFACE. He is now part of that great crowd of witnesses who is cheering you on as you live out your faith in the same way he did. May God bless and comfort you and your family. You remain in my prayers. Blessings, Lynn (I-FACE staff, GA)

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    3. My husband too had a senseless accident. We prayed. He lived. 32 years in a wheelchair. Totally paralyzed from the neck down. He still had a good life. A Godly life. But a very hard and painful life. God is merciful and doesn’t make mistakes.

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    4. So beautiful. Thanks for your gifted God given words. It will help heal and support on the rest of our Journey in this life as well. I will save these passages as they are very powerful. God Bless you and I will continue to pray for you all.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Christy, thanks you for posting this! I don’t know what it’s like, not even close! I only know the raw feelings of being in the floor begging God to let me keep my baby. Its hard sooo hard but like you ive got to believe and trust and move on tiny step by tiny step. I love you and am praying for you!

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  2. LOVE this! There’s so much I could say about how this post and those of your family are not only challenging me but reminding me to not only “live faithfully” but to “live faith fully”. Connected by the heart of God, we pray for you all, we weep with you all, and we praise God with you all, and as God kept Paul, may He keep you all steadfast.

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  3. I walked the same road when I was about your age. It was the darkest time in my life. You probably saw enough of the fall out to know what I’m talking about. But it was the place where I really learned what faith was. God will use it for good, just like He promised. He truly never leaves us or forsake us and walks path of grief with us.

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  4. Thanks for exposing the question many of us ask if even in silence. I spoke of this in your dad’s ear in the privacy of the ICU while y’all were outside in the hallway speaking in conference with the doctor. I spoke to the Lord about His decisions that so often through His silence say you must ‘go the way of all the earth’.

    It comes to us often later in life if given the mercy to live long enough, that the greater light of the believer’s testimony is that of the glory of God displayed in our Christlike resolve. We are as others men and women of clay and the holy difference is the fruit of the Spirit that is the privilege of a believer to bear. If we escape the searing losses that are the common experience of the rest how shall they then know His abiding grace?

    The devotional that was shared as a favorite of Dave Goodman around the time of his departure was from John 12 where Jesus said to those seeking to have an audience with Him, “Except a grain of wheat fall to the ground and dies it abides alone. But, if it dies it bears much fruit” Sometimes I think while standing at the graveside of great ones like Bill that we are witnessing a ‘planting’. The harvest will come and i think we will be amazed that the fruit that has been born in the aftermath of a well lived God directed life turns out to be greater in abundance than could have been harvested otherwise.

    Miracles aren’t always, and maybe seldom are the best witness. Jesus once told of a man in the torment of justice for his depraved manner of life that even if one were to be miraculously raised from the dead as a witness to his unbelieving family they would not believe.

    Just think of the explosive infectious testimony y’all have broadcast across the world in just this week of faith at your dad’s bedside.

    You know this of course. It was planted in you by your dad and mom who themselves have faced many episodes of Silent Heavens and with faithful honesty passed them on to you dear one. I have risked multiplying words.

    Grace today dear sister

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  5. I love this Christi. Although I may not know what you’re going through and feeling I do know how amazing your dad was. Not only to his ministries but to his children. He and your mom couldn’t have raised a better, faithfilled, loving, open armed family. I prayed, my family prayed, my pastor prayed, strangers prayed, friends prayed, people that don’t pray-prayed. Gods plans were bigger. Your dad has done amazing work down here and his work doesn’t go unseen. Your whole family has been god sent to my family one way or another and I know you will pull through. There’s no doubt that his last days were filled with love, praise, prayer, power, a whole lotta Jesus. There’s no doubt that those hospital rooms were filled with anything less than faith.

    Jeremy camp-walk by faith
    Would I believe you when you would say
    Your hand will guide my every way
    Will I receive the words You say
    Every moment of every day
    Well I will walk by faith
    Even when I cannot see it
    Well because this broken road
    Prepares Your will for me
    Help me to win my endless fears
    You’ve been so faithful for all my years
    With the one breath You make me
    Your grace covers all I do
    Well I will walk by faith
    Even when I cannot see it
    Well because this broken road
    Prepares Your will for me
    Well I’m broken, but I still see Your face
    Well You’ve spoken, pouring Your words of grace
    Well I will walk by faith
    Even when I cannot see it
    Well because this broken road
    Prepares Your will for me
    Well I will walk by faith
    Even when I cannot see it
    Well because this broken road
    Prepares Your will for me

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  6. Incredibly sorry to hear of your dad’s passing, but joyful that he knew Jesus and is now face to face with his Risen Savior. I’m Lindsey Braun’s mom in Ohio, and I’ve been following the journey of your family. I will continue to pray for His peace and comfort to cover your family in the days ahead. Respectfully in Jesus’s Name, Kathy

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  7. Dearest Christi,you are so strong and such an example of grace.I am so sorry to all of you for such a great loss.There is alot of sadness here on earth because your Dad was truly a great man of God.And he was so cool,so easy to talk to and pointed you to Christ in such an awesome way and practical one too.You know he has been a spiritual father for me in my teens and he along with your precious mom have always been there for me.God used your Dad in a very crucial time in my teens where I had no idea what was going on spiritually in my life,blocked by fear,nightmares,and severe attacks of the enemy in my life and God graciously put your Dad in my life to help me understand and lead me to trust in Jesus through it all.He treated me like a daughter and I am forever grateful for that.For the counsel,wise words and seeing Jesus in him always.I wanted to write on your mom’s profile last night but my phone goes on and off.I want to say thank you to her to all of you for that sweet love,just being there,listening,giving hugs,praying,being patient with me,writing e.mails,and just loving on me so much.I have truly been at a loss for words in the past week thinking about what happened and now that your dad is gone,he was so young still.But I cling to the promise that his plans are good for all of us,for your family,for each one of you.Thank you for sharing such raw feelings,sincerity and Joy and tenacity in such a state.I love you and I love the fact that we can e sincere and open and raw.This way we are free we are who we are and it is good.Thank you Jesus for setting us free,thank you Jesus for your blood.Cleanse every spot in me know.I lift up Christi in your precious hands.Lift her,hold her,nudge her into you and comfort her as only you know how.All of her family too.Thanks again Christi.You are a bright and raw testimony of a true daughter of God.Kingdom hearts for Christ.
    Much love,Jess.

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  8. Beautiful, painful wisdom. We do not know each other but, I too, prayed for your dad. My husband and I are former neighbors of Aunt Fran & Uncle Ron. We stand, however, as family because of our love for the Savior. Psalm 116:15 Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. I pray the God of all comfort remain close to you. Elise Ridgway

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  9. As a nurse, I’ve heard many families ask the same question, pray for their miracle that never came. Or so they thought. Their loved one received a miracle. Either they got well and went home or they didn’t and went Home. We don’t get to define how miracles look. I struggled, early on in my career, with having a patient die. Felt like I failed, like I missed something, or didn’t do my job well enough. I know now that sometimes we lose our battle with death. But it doesn’t mean we lose. There’s a quite peace and comfort in helping a family face death. In honoring the patient as they slip away by still talking to them, still wiping their mouth or face, still holding their hand. You won’t always see it, but as we help clean our patients for the last time, prayers are said for peace, for healing. Tears are silently shed. And sometimes, at least for my patients, “Amazing Grace” is sung to them as I bathe them and removed medical devices. We never lose. We just take a break from seeing each other for awhile. Our true miracle awaits us one gloriously happy day.

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    1. Thank you, April, for sharing this. It really touched me. My Dad had excellent care, and I am eternally grateful for that. Thank you also for what you do. Thank you for walking each family through the valley. I am grateful for people like you.

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  10. I just graduated from nursing school and my dad passed away from cancer a year ago. What was mind-boggling is that our co-pastor had the same cancer and is in remission today; but God decided to appoint my dad as an angel in heaven (sometimes, I wonder if God appointed him to be my guardian angel). Referring back to Isaiah 55:8-9, While in school, I knew God was somehow going to use this trial, but didn’t know what the future would hold. Now, I am beginning to see how God is using my experience! On July 10, 2016, my dad passed into glory. Exactly one year later on July 10, 2017, I started working as a registered nurse on the floor where my dad was a patient. I still walk by the bedroom he resided in, and I vividly remember sitting by his bedside with friends family, chatting with the nurses who helped him. I am beginning to see how all things truly do work together for good to them that love God, as I am able to empathize with patients and family members and connect with them in such a special way that I wouldn’t have been able to do if I didn’t go through this traumatic loss.

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