Fighting Fear: How God Pushed Me to be Fearless

Introduction:
Heidi and I became friends while I was at Bible College. She was my mentor during the school year and was my head counselor during summer camps. We had our ups and downs during that year, but the friendship we share is one I cherish deeply. Heidi is someone who is always seeking to be more like Christ in whatever situation she finds herself in. She and I have shared a great many laughs together and it is a privilege to have her story here today!

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Fear– it’s a word we often say, hear or even feel. I experienced fear in a way I never had before when my newborn baby boy was diagnosed with a heart defect. At the time of birth, seemed healthy and we were ready to start out a journey as a family of 4! But, our healthy baby Aiden soon took a turn for the worse. At first, the doctors had no idea what was wrong.

Fear, yeah, I’d say I was fearful. The thoughts of losing my baby filled my mind as they did tests, put him on oxygen and looked at my husband and I and said, we have to transfer your baby to another hospital; because we don’t know what’s wrong with him.

Watching my baby hooked up to oxygen because he couldn’t keep his O2 levels up, IV’s and cords everywhere. I would say that fear overcame me. Driving from one hospital to the next praying that God would give the doctors wisdom and that God would save my baby. It was God’s strength and grace that got us through the next week of crazy life.

Within a half-an-hour of being at a new hospital our son was diagnosed with Critical Pulmonary Valve Stenosis. At 2 days old our baby went into the OR to have his first heart surgery. The surgery lasted 4 hours. That 4 hours seemed like forever. Fear was quickly overcome with peace during the surgery. We had to cling to the truth of who God was. We had people all over the world praying for us and lifting up Aiden and the doctors to the ultimate Physician. The cardiologist thought the surgery was successful- we just had to wait for our baby to gain strength and be able to keep his oxygen levels up.

From birth to discharge we were in the hospital for a week. Every time our cardiologists came in to see us, and talk to us about our precious Aiden- he said he had never dealt with parents who were so calm and had such a peace about them. I can sit here now and tell you- that is the power of the Holy Spirit working inside of us. Inside I was falling apart- this is not what I had expected or what I would want for my baby. But God had bigger plans for me personally, for my baby and for our family.

God showed Himself to us in huge ways during this journey. During the dark hard moments, I had people speaking truth into my life. We need to do life together, and we need to surround ourselves with people who have the same core values and belief in God that we have. We don’t know when trials are going to come. We don’t know when the journey is going to seem dark, but it’s in those moments we need others to hold us up and push us through.

We were missionaries in Africa prior to us having Aiden- and if I had given birth to Aiden in Africa, Aiden would not be alive. God brought that to mind to me A LOT while we were in the hospital. God orchestrated us as a family to move to a different area and for my husband to find a different job. At the moment of transition, we weren’t sure what was going on or why God was moving us on, but hindsight it was for Aiden.

God brought us to an area that has one of the top pediatric cardiology hospitals in the US.   God has big plans for this sweet baby boy of mine, and it all started before Aiden was even born. How cool, that the God of the universe cares about every single detail of our lives. Big or small, He always shows up!

There are 2 passages of scripture that continued to run through my mind during this season of life. Psalm 139:13-18 which talks about how God knit us together in our mother’s womb, and He knew our unformed bodies, and our days are numbered before Him. God knew every detail about Aiden’s heart and body before he was even born. God was not caught by surprise! The other passage was Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Our journey is not over with Aiden’s heart. We have follow-up appointments every 2 months and he just had another heart surgery in March, which was unsuccessful. We are now in the waiting game to see if we will try another cardiac catheterization, or if he will need open heart surgery.

They were hopeful he would only need one surgery, and now we are gearing up for his 3rd. Sure, it’s discouraging, and can be overwhelming. But through all of this God has given me so much grace to face each twist and turn that this story has unfolded. The strength that helps me and my husband be strong is only from Christ.

No matter the journey or situation you find yourself in, you can be fearless because of who Christ is. Deuteronomy 31:16 “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.” As you let the truth of that verse sink in, you’ll realize there is nothing we cannot face because God goes with us.

Let fear become courage as you cling to the One who loves you, goes with you and equips you.

Song of the Week:
You Make Me Brave , by Amanda Cook & Bethel Music

 

 

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