“When we let God be God, we can let man be man”
This is one of my favorite quotes probably because I need this reminder often.
The past few weeks I have been in a funk. I’ve been angry and wrestling with God a lot. Have you ever had a glimpse of hope that your situation may be coming to a head? Or that a resolution is on the horizon? Maybe you thought you’d get a Christmas bonus and you could get your kids something nice for Christmas. Maybe it was a better diagnosis than you were expecting. Maybe an old friend mentioned you to someone and you thought restoration is coming, but then nothing. The bonus didn’t come. The diagnosis was good but then they took a turn for the worse. The old friend didn’t care for restoration. Have you been there?
That’s how it’s felt the past few weeks. I knew I did what I was supposed to do and I felt like I was heard, justified and given confirmation that actions would be taken as I was told it would be, but a month later and nothing.
I was kind of angry at God. I know that He is the one who allows things to happen and not to happen and for some reason in my situation nothing that I know of had happened.
Then I was reminded of Peter…
I felt like as God was shutting doors it was time for me to get out of the boat. It was time for me to leave the ministry, leave what had become my home, and start over in a sense. It was time to get out on the water and walk. As I walked the first few months after I felt like God met me at every step. When I got discouraged, He sent someone to comfort me. When I thought I wouldn’t be able to cover my expenses a check would come in the mail from a friend. When I would question if I was where I was supposed to be God would send reminders that I was where He wanted me.
But now this…
How did I become angry? I had come so far for so long with being okay. I didn’t really care about a resolution until I had to speak with someone about it and then assured that something had to be done. As far as I know nothing was done and I was having a hard time letting that go…
Matthew 14:25-33 says:
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
In verse 30 it says that Peter saw the wind and he was afraid. I realized like Peter, I took my eyes off Jesus. Instead of natural wind, I started to look at the wind of injustice. Maybe your wind is a wind of bills, or illness or divorce. So as I was saying, God, why aren’t you doing this look at that… And when I did, I started to sink. I was sinking into being angry and bitter… and then I couldn’t help myself. I sat in church yesterday and asked God to clean my heart because it felt so dirty and disgusting. How quickly I can fall. I realized all of a sudden all the rights I had surrendered to God I had taken back and I was fighting for them. I don’t understand Gods patience a lot of the time. If it were me dealing with me, I’d be like Christi I’m a little tired of your complaining. You know you’re wrong. But God just waits for me to cry out for help and then He immediately grabs my hand and helps me back to the boat. I was thinking about not sharing this because it’s like I’m throwing my dirty laundry out there. However, in verse 33 it says, “Then those who were in the boat worshiped him saying, ‘Truly you are the Son of God'” Even when we fall God can use it for His glory. It’s not about me anyways, so whether I stand or fall- God is God and He deserves to the glory.
Proverbs 24:16 says, ” For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again…”
So whatever you may be facing, it’s okay, we are all going to fall and fail, but that doesn’t mean we need to stay down. That’s what the enemy wants. I’m sorry if you have been waiting on a resolution, but don’t lose heart. God is still God.
I decided that I need to wake up every morning and surrender this situation to God daily because my heart tends to wander. As the service was closing on Sunday they sang, “Lord, I need you” and I had sung this song dozens of times but the part that struck me differently was the line that says, “You’re the one that guides my heart” so that is my new prayer that God would guide my heart towards him and away from the distraction of the wind…
Hang in there dear friends… The story is not finished…