“Lord, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to deal with this. I want this to be over…”
This was my prayer just a few weeks ago. I felt like I was in the olive press again. God was allowing me to be squeezed so that I would be more useful to Him and possibly to others. I wish I could say I responded with, “Thank you Lord”. I didn’t. I complained. I wrestled. I kept saying, “I don’t want to deal with this…I don’t want this and I know you can take it all away”
Then I heard a message on Philippians 2:13-30. The verse that stuck out to me was verse 14 which says, “Do everything without grumbling or arguing”. Ouch! That hit a nerve. I remember praying not too long ago, “God, do what you want” But when He does what He wants, I complain? His will is not always butterflies and flowers, sometimes, its gut wrenching.
The pastor went on to say that the people who do not grumble or complain are some of the most beautiful people on this planet. Have you met anyone like that? I have. I have always looked up to her because of her attitude. She of all people could be extremely bitter and she is extremely kind. When she walks into a room she brings joy. No matter what season she is in, she gives, she loves, and she cares! I told her last week how much I admired her and she said, “It’s not me. It’s Jesus in me” I have a long way to go, but what God starts He WILL finish!
So this week, I felt like God was leading me to do something very difficult. The very thing I told God I didn’t want to deal with was now staring me in the face. I knew I needed to surrender my will to His. I prayed for strength. I prayed for courage. My trial day came. My task involved a phone call in which I would have to be very honest and yet extremely cautious in what I shared. You see in many situations we face there are always other people involved. The bottom line is our actions; our words and our behavior affect others. At the end of my life I have to stand before the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords and give an account for my actions, words and behaviors. So this task was extremely weighty for me (that is why I didn’t want to deal with it).
When I got off the phone, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I knew that I had done what God had asked me to do. My friends, God moved in a way I can hardly believe. Many of you know that this past year has been one of the most painful year of my entire life. But, God is NOT finished. And God has been so compassionate, kind, gentle, loving and abundantly gracious!
Yesterday, after I got in my car to head to work, I just cried tears of joy thanking God for caring. Thanking Him for fighting for me. I was able to thank Him for the hard times because when the situations of our life are in His hands, He tends to do what we can’t even imagine. My mom said sometimes we just have to take a baby step and God comes running towards us to pick us up and twirl us around while holding us in His steady embrace. That is exactly how it felt. I wrestled with God on taking a baby step, but when I did, He came rushing towards me and showered me with His love and unfailing kindness.
As if that were not enough, He gave me an opportunity to do something fun and get paid for it. It was almost like God was giving me a gift. I honestly feel spoiled by God. Like my Dad has been lavishing me with not only His love, grace and kindness but also with things or opportunity that He knows I would enjoy!
I also am well aware that God owes me absolutely nothing. He could have not answered my prayers in the way I asked. God has already done more than enough. He died for my sins and for that I owe Him everything, yet, He decides to bless me. I honestly don’t understand it, but I am so incredibly grateful that God is…
My Savior, My Defender, My Restorer, My Courage, My Friend, My Beloved and My Everything!
My prayer is that this life is not about me. I want to reflect Christ because that is what true beauty is. In the pain, suffering and heartache, we can be the hope for someone else. We can be a reminder of God’s love to someone else. Life is hard, but Jesus is no wimp! He helps us to be brave. He helps us to love fearlessly and courageously! Take heart my friend. You are loved. Your life has so much meaning and you make an impact every day!
I want to share some verses that I have encouraged me:
- I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death. Philippians 3:10
- Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
- For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21
“The making of you may be the breaking of you” ~ Lysa Turkeurst