I was having a bad day. I was struggling with how each one of us are different. We all have the same God but we all don’t have the same convictions as one another. We each have our own opinion of politics, music, you name it, and that is okay. In fact, that is what makes us unique. However, I forget this sometimes. What may be one person’s conviction may not be mine and vice versa. In fact, my opinion of myself may not even be the same as God’s. God is my judge and He is yours. So who am I to judge you or even myself?
Recently, it feels like whenever I have an amazing and encouraging day, I’ll have a challenging and a discouraging day immediately following. (I hope I am not the only one that feels like this. If I am- let me know so I can find help- haha!)
I was trying to “talk” myself out of my mental predicament. “Christi, why can’t you be better?” “Christi, shake it off”, “Christi, you will never change”, “Why am I even agitated with this struggle?” “Jesus, what is wrong with me?” You get the point. I decided the best thing to shut off my mind to this mind battle was to put on some praise and worship. Because the Lord inhabits the praises of his people, right? The song that came on is called, “One Desire” by Hillsong. I was like Yes, okay Jesus, be my one desire. I was singing loud in order to remind myself that He should be my one desire and let the other things fall to the side.
Then, the strangest thing happened. I did not touch my phone, or any other buttons in my car and the song switched. I was a little thrown off especially since I was singing loudly- haha!
When I heard the few notes, I knew immediately what song it was. Do you ever have those moments when you hear a song and it resonates with your soul? Similar to how your body feels when you get into a hot tub. You immediately let your body relax. Hearing this song, made me realize that I was trying to fight this battle in my own strength. The song that came on is called, “Call it grace”.
This song brought me back to a moment I had experienced. This situation made me feel as though I were paralyzed. Sometimes our perception gets skewed because we see God through our human relationships. For example: My dad thinks this about me so that’s how God must view me. I am extremely grateful for my Dad and I am thankful to be able to tell you that it is because of my Dad that I have had a hunger for God. I remember every night when he’d pray with us he’d pray: “Help us Lord to be more like you tomorrow than we were today”. That has always been his desire. BUT, sometimes in our lives we think God is one way because we have a person in our life that may view us a certain way and we need to be cautious that it does not hinder the way we see God. So as I was doing my best to endure the predicament I was in when this song came on:
Call It grace (By Unspoken)
It’s the light that pierces through you to the darkest hidden place.
It knows your deepest secrets but it never looks away.
It’s the gentle hand that pulls you from the judgement of the crowd
When you stand before the guilty and you got no way out.
Some may call it foolish and impossible
But for every heart it rescues it’s a miracle
It’s nothing less than scandalous
This love that took our place
Just call it what it is, call it grace
It’s the breath that’s breathing new life into what we thought was dead
It’s the favor that takes orphans, placing crowns upon their head
It’s the hope for our tomorrows the rock on which we stand
It’s a strong and mighty fortress, even hell can’t stand against
Amazing, unshaking, this is grace, this is grace
Unchanging, unfailing, this is grace, this is grace.
As I heard that song in the room I was sleeping in, I wept! I literally felt like I was being held by grace. No longer did it matter what people thought, I knew that God’s grace was greater than people’s opinions or view of me and His grace was greater than my opinion or view of anyone else. So again, as I was listening to this song driving home from a long day, It was as if Jesus gave me a sweet reminder: “Christi, my child, we are in this together. You cannot do this journey alone. No matter how good your intentions may be. You need me and you need my grace.”
“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weakness, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let is then approach God’s throne of GRACE [Charis: that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness, keeps, strengthens, kindles them to the exercise of the Christian virtues] with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Grace found me
Grace set me free
I felt bound
Until I learned to let grace abound
I never understood grace until I needed it most
It is only received through Christ alone- in Him I can boast
For I would be nothing but a human moving at too fast of pace
Had I not been rescued by God’s unfathomable grace